Emily's Resolution

There is a noticeable difference in how I feel when I’m using them. About an hour or so after I take it, I start feeling jittery, like I’ve had strong espresso on an empty stomach. I can feel my heart racing a bit. My hands don’t shake, though, which is nice. It makes me a bit wound up, but when I’m at the gym I feel amazing. I not only want to run, I want to keep going even after my workout is finished. For two days in a row now I’ve added an extra 15 minutes onto my run and yesterday I did the original 30 minutes without stopping or even feeling an inclination to stop! I was on such a runner’s high, I was practically laughing as I ran the extra 15 minutes after that. 

I am also able to eat less, so the hunger suppressant is working. I get hungry, sure, but I don’t feel as inclined to eat. I’m also happy to put something down without finishing it, it’s like an accomplishment to take only a small bite of a treat and feel satisfied with just that instead of horking down the whole thing. I’m counting calories much more carefully now too; if I’m putting the effort into taking these pills as well as working out every day, it’s the least I can do to make sure I don’t go over 1200 calories a day. I’ve avoided coffee since there is an obvious dose of caffeine in the fat burner, but I’m going to have a bit today to see how I feel. 

I can only hope that all these changes in how I feel will lead to changes in how I look. 

Just little comments about the size of my arms or butt or boobs. She probably doesn’t even remember doing this, but her words are brands on the back of my mind. Almost more so then any comments my mother has made to me.

She tells me to tell her when she says things that hurt me, but how can I tell her to stop when I think those things about myself all the time? Wouldn’t really be fair, would it.

That was right before I started working with my trainer, back in January. I don’t want to see her again until I’ve reached my goal weight, and then I’m flaunting it. 

I’m excited, I can’t wait to see if they’ll help. 

I’ve realized that I always seem to be able to get through the day on the bare minimum: a cup of coffee, a piece of toast, ect. I don’t really eat and I don’t have a desire to. But then once it hits dinner time I /need/ to eat something. I’m starved, I’m ravenous. 

I need to find a way to either ignore that or eat dinner around 4 like I have been the past couple of days. If I do that and go to bed early I’m already improving on my calorie intake. 

My trainer said I looked good today, after being away from him for a week. He also said I did a great job after our training session. It made me feel so happy. 

I’m at 175! The weight loss could go faster but I’m happy to see some improvement since I was weighed at the gym.

If I can reach 150 by the end of May I’ll be proud. That’s about 25 more pounds in 3.5 months.

But If I manage to get down to that before the middle of May, and somehow lose another 5 pounds by graduation on June 2nd I’ll be over the moon. 

I can’t wait to get back to school so I can get my fat burner pills. I think it’s the kick I need to really get this weight loss going. My trainer says he lost about 10 pounds in a couple of weeks with them included in his normal work out routine. If I can drop the same amount before the first week of March is through I’ll be so much more optimistic about reaching my goals. 

I asked him mainly looking to find out more about whey protein and vitamins for a gluten free diet, but he brought up fat burners and told me about the one he was on now, which apparently works pretty great by boosting your sweating and exertion while working out. 

I’m a bit nervous, since I’ve never taken such things before, but if it’ll help maybe that’s the boost I need to get my weight loss going… 

I finally got forced onto the scale, and I’m far heavier then I thought I was. 182. I think I wanted to be upset but I was sadly accepting. I’m on my period now so I’m bloated—I always weight more at this time… but I believe that weight, despite how angry I want to be that the past three weeks of 1-1.5 hour long work outs hasn’t really done anything. Both my body fat count and BMI are only slightly above average for my height, and as I get into shape that’ll change. 

The trainer was nice, he was actually surprised by that number and said I don’t look it, which is okay but doesn’t mean that isn’t the number on the scale. 

The upside to all of this is that he said my new goal of reaching 150-145 by graduation is a good goal, and achievable. I originally wanted to reach 135, but at the rate this is going I doubt that will happen. Maybe I can reach that after this summer, or if something clicks and I work extra hard, maybe. But 30 pounds in 5 months is a good goal to have, right?

He told me I should write down what I’m eating, which I’ll pick up doing now, and that I should eat before working out, which I’ve never done but I’ll try to take his advice. This means I need to start getting up earlier too since I’ll need an hour to digest pre-workout. He also told me that I should start using Whey Protein. I’ll look into it when I go to the grocery store tonight.